Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I am NOT lovin Perimenopause

Looking truly lovely, the Diva and me (I am in black in case you could not figure out who the Diva is) after some yummy cranberry punch and bridal shower refreshments! I am thinking hurry up and take this picture because: a) I am hot as you know what and b) these *&(* feathers itch like heck!!!

In case you are wondering what perimenopause is, it is that particularly hellish time before menopause and can last many years prior to menopause. Menopause put very simply is cessation from menses and fertility (oh happy day!) I think it gets the bad rap when the real nasty culprit is that transition time, the interval known as (drum roll, please) PERIMENOPAUSE. You know I am a Life is Good kind of girl and I am happy with my life and the stage am in except when I have the following:


Reasons I am not loving perimenopause


  • My body thermostat is completely and totally out of whack. I am freezing at the office and I wake up at night soaking wet! My hair is wet, I often have to get up and have a bath or shower which brings us to the next reason...

  • Interrupted Sleep - I am a lifelong member of the insomniacs club, I do not need another reason to be awake. I refuse to go anywhere in our very small RV because a) there is no tub and b) there is no where for me to pace or stare at the walls while I am awake!!!

  • Dry, itchy skin - again I am a lifelong member of the dry skin club, now around 8 p.m. I have a need to scratch my entire body (yes, I have a great dermatologist so I do not have any weird parasites or fungus) I have a really groovy long handled brush which helps immensely.

  • Bladder problems - I must know where all bathrooms are at any given location due to the fact that my bladder has become a tad unreliable. Wet shoes are no joke, my friends.

  • My personal favorite - mood swings and unreliable attitude - hey if you don't like my attitude, hang around about 5 minutes, I promise it will change and I will have nothing to do with it. One minute you are lovin life and the next minute you are doing the Linda Blair Head Spinning spewing green vomit "Exorcist" thing.

  • It can last for years, YEARS, before you actually get through the transition...sisters, I can vouch for this! For those of you who experienced none of the above symptoms, lucky you and a pox on your house (just kidding)

Yeah, I had a rough night (I was mopping the kitchen floor and doing laundry at 1:30 a.m.) I dozed off to a particularly bad C rated spider movie. My husband does not understand the cleaning in the middle of the night at all. I am like, I am fine, go back to bed and LEAVE ME ALONE!!! Then he had the nerve to speak to me before 6:00 a.m. We have an unspoken agreement, when my head is spinning we don't talk, we don't even think of trying to humor me out of the funk until it passes, which as I said is in about 5 minutes. Thank goodness I was able to find something to wear that the magic clothes gremlins left alone except the tag in the skirt is a little troublesome! (It's that itching thing again) This morning some crazy person pulled out directly in front of me and proceeded to drive extremely slow, causing me to use some language that would embarrass my children. And they only thought it was funny when I said things like "Jeepers or Oh My Stars" The tide has turned and it is not always pretty! I could wax on and on but I don't want to make any one's ears or eyes bleed. See, I am better now...another one of my favorite saying is "and it came to pass" Amen, to that! In the "mean" time I am hanging on with my sense of humor intact as much as possible. Laughter is the best medicine and I do laugh alot. And there is always shopping.... My new best friend, she agrees with everything I say, smiles all the time and she's older than me!

5 comments:

persistentillusion said...

Oh. Boy. Perimenopause.

My mom and I have yet to have that conversation.

connie said...

Hayden, How did you comment so fast I just finished! I must have posted the first half by accidnet or something!

scchesleys said...

Oh joy! More fun to look forward to. Your symptoms sound like my PMS week(s), only more intense. More mood swings! Poor Mike, he actually might end up in the camper. Between me and Kiersten he is constantly on his toes and sometimes I catch him and Jared looking at each other like "what the hell just happened?".

Alona said...

Well, I really really really hope your day gets better. I know it is a day to day or min to min thing for you but all you can really focus on is the now so.....Stop for a min. take a deep breath, think again of how good life really is.....and smile. It will all be ok in a little bit.


Now, get back to work!!!
lol have a good one Connie.

marlajayne said...

This is hilarious...especially now that I'm past all of that. Plus, you have such a humorous way of writing about the mood swings and the insomnia that I couldn't help but chuckle. What about hot flashes? I still have them on a daily basis, and I can't believe I ever kidded my mother about them.

Great picture of you and Paula.