Wednesday, February 11, 2009

In my mind I'm going to California



Gonna feel the sunshine...gonna slap some sense into my irresponsible selfish brother, lah, lah...
First and foremost on my mind lately...my brother is on the lam and my Mother is going to end up owing $10,000 to a bail bondsman. I begged and pleaded with her not to help him again...it enables him to continue his bad behavior and not be responsible for said behavior. If he hasn't "manned up" at the age of 41...I sorta do not think it is ever going to happen. A parking ticket and later an impound notice arrived in my Mother's mailbox from San Diego, California. One can only assume this is where the errant child has gone? My brother is a sociopath...he meets the criteria for every item listed in Profile of a Sociopath ...he has broken our Mother's heart in little pieces over and over and over.
I have found in times of crisis I revert back to my Catholic upbringing and found myself saying some Hail Marys instead of cursing like there was no tomorrow. Lately...too much to do...too much responsibility...sunny, the glass is half full has turned into...the glass is close to empty, fill it up quickly and do it now, darn it!!! And clear the decks I am in no mood to be trifled with...
which turns into massive guilt for feeling petty, angry and resentful...
My Mom does not drive...which means I take her shopping and run her errands. I would prefer to do the shopping myself however I do realize that she enjoys my company and she likes to look at every single solitary thing in Wal-Mart (did I mention I loathe Wal-Mart?) Tromping around Wal-Mart only becomes an issue when somebody is SICK AGAIN!!!
Yes, I am beyond ill and I really do not have time for such foolishness...trying to get everything together for corporate income tax returns which are due March 15th! So why I am posting instead of working...I thought it would help to "unload" so that I could clear the cobwebs and concentrate on what needs to get accomplished this week.
I am thankful I have a job in a time when so many are unemployed and struggling to stay in their homes and put food on the table. You do not appreciate a youthful, healthy body until it starts declining and fails you somewhat...I appear to be unable to concentrate while reading and forget trying to knit, my fingers keep getting tangled up...I am thankful I still have my hearing and eyesight and that I get up each morning, I am achy but I am up and walking around on my own two feet!
My father in law will begin Chemotherapy again on Friday...I have watched his decline but the man is one tough old bird...he started this business in 1949 and has not missed a day's work since...it makes me sad to see him so frail. My mother in law is in remission at the moment and we hope it stays this way...I do not like to feel annoyed or overwhelmed by their simple requests
My shoulders are wide and I am the sounding board and the cheerleader, where are my cheerleaders and my sounding board...right here, you say...
I am doing my level best to embrace the challenging times...it would help if my mind and body would cooperate...perimenopause/menopause/pms whatever you call all that... ain't for sissies!!!
So pass me a cup of good will, wishes and cheer...I will be over in the corner saying some Hail Marys thankful that my sense of humor and iron will are still intact!
P.S. Husband, darling, dearest...what's up with the big pile of clothes on your side of the bed...you KNOW we have a hamper and you know where it lives.

12 comments:

scchesleys said...

Oh DFC!!!! Bunches of hugs to you (and you know how I feel about such things)!!!

persistentillusion said...

"gonna slap some sense into my irresponsible selfish brother"

Can you slap mine while you're at it too? Although, to be fair to Sean - he is not a sociopath.

As for DH, why don't you 'relocate' the clothes from his side of the bed and put them a garbage bag in the garage or something? At some point he is bound to notice that he has no clothes and then you can ask, in all innocence, "Oh, did you put them in the laundry?"

Anita said...

Connie, Connie, you're the best!
Come sit down and have a rest.
Put your feet up, drink some tea,
And tell your DH "Pamper me!"

OK, I know it's cheesy, but you wanted a cheerleader, and it's the best I can do on short notice!

LuLu Belle said...

Like I said, you need a vacation - and not just one in your mind. You NEED a few minutes not to be NEEDED.

Michelle said...

Oh Mommy. I think its time for a mind clearing road trip. ( this time borrow my GPS)

curlywurlygurly said...

dear connie,
you have made me grateful for my own miserable life, because at the moment it's less miserable than yours. hey, that's what friends are for!

sending hugs and whiskey sours your way.
xoxo
cwg

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

I am so sorry to hear of all the turmoil. Let me offer you a hug:

(((((Connie)))))

Rosezilla said...

Oh, you poor thing. Here, sit down and read this, we'll take care of everything. (I know, I know, but just pretend). Better yet, get in a bubble bath, that makes the pretending easier. And when you get out, you'll be calm and... um... wrinkled. Oh, well, I tried.

bFlat said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your selfish brother. ((Sending you loads of hugs))

marlajayne said...

I'm sitting here wondering what (if anything) I can say to make things "all better," and the answer is no, I can't. I can, however, say that you have dozens of friends who love you and are confident that their sunny, upbeat Connie will resurface at some point. You know, when you're sick, everything is worse. But then, you already know that, huh?

You have my persmission to stay home in your jammies all day tomorrow and NOT answer the door or the phone no matter who it is.

Wisdom of the ages: This too shall pass.

wildenwald said...

Connie, hope you feel better soon. I've just written something about darkness and growing, because I know you and Pippa are both going deep.

May the light surround you and embrace you, with all His love!

stephanie said...

here's some sugar to add to your lemonade making lemons.

*hug*