Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Psst...can we talk about...Intimacy

My friend Jayne was recently gifted with a lovely, framed print of The Kiss. I love the sweetness and beauty of this piece of artwork! The Kiss by Austrian painter, Gustav Klimt (1862 - 1918) is a beautiful vision of intimacy between lovers.

We experience intimacy on many different levels. There are different forms of intimacy such as emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. "Intimacy can also be identified as knowing someone in depth, knowing many different aspects of a person or knowing how they would respond in different situations, because of the many experiences you've shared with them. Intimacy is both the ability and the choice to be close, loving, and vulnerable. " (Wikepedia)

I have given a lot of thought to the idea of intimacy between friends, lovers and family. We are emotionally intimate with our closet friends or our children. Hopefully, we share emotional and physical intimacy with our lovers, partners, husbands and wives.

I recently read the book "365 Nights - A Memoir of Intimacy" by Charla Muller with Betsy Thorpe. Charla, as I fondly refer to her, decided she would like to give her husband a birthday gift no one else could give him. She offered herself in an intimate way for a year. That is as she refers to it "doing the deed" EVERY DAY!!! She describes various aspects of the development of their relationship and the book is liberally sprinkled with anecdotes about dating, married life, and family life. Lest you think this is a guide to the physical aspect of her relationship, it is not. It is laugh out loud funny, sweet memoir of two people connecting with each other every day. There were allowances for illness and other situations that may deem a physical moment inadvisable. This is a great book for anyone in a relationship. I loved reading it.

This gave me pause to ponder the intimate relationships in my life. How were they holding up? Some days great others not so great. I find that on days that I feel good about myself and who I am I can connect better with those that I love. As to the physical relationships between couples, I thought how "men" just want to "do the deed" all the time. (I know I am generalizing) and women, well we want romance (I do) and closeness. We often bring everything with us to the bedroom....you didn't empty the trash, cut the grass, you put hunting, fishing (inject whatever here) before us and this often affects intimacy or lack thereof. So in the midst of pondering the intimacy of my relationships, I realized I need to ditch the anger, the frustrations of day to day stuff and just approach things in a more loving and kind way. My children appreciate a kinder, loving mother, my friends appreciate less complaining and being a more in tune with them, my husband really appreciates a loving emotional and physical bond. Life is way better when approached with unconditional huge amounts of L*O*V*E. So how are your intimate relationships these days? Doing great, so, so or not so good? Time to enjoy intimacy in all its forms!!! I am feeling much better myself!


Jack & Erika said...

Thank you! It doesn't feel like a whole year has passed, but I'm enjoying it!!

Hayden Tompkins said...

I do admit - if I am tired or hungry, Chris is going to have little luck in the intimacy department.

Hmm...maybe that's why he likes to make sure I am fed! ;)

scchesleys said...

I read an article somewhere that men were more likely to "get lucky" if they helped with the housework. Mainly b/c the woman is tired from working outside the home or working inside the home or both. Mike and I had a very interesting discussion about it.

He's still not doing the dishes, but I'm trying.

Anonymous said...

This was not bad, I appreciate it very much!

Rosezilla said...

You caught me at a time when everything is going really well with everyone on all fronts! I LOVE moments like these! Seriously, you are right, if we are loving and not so hard to please, things go oh, so much better, and we end up more pleased then if we fight for it. My husband and I long ago decided he'd take care of me and I'd take care of him, and it works for us beautifully.

Anonymous said...

BOY THIS POST SOUNDS GREAT!!! Have to go to bed, so I will be back to read it in the morning, but I just had to THANK YOUUUUUUUU!!!!! for the most amazing scarf EVER; what a talented wonder you are! I can't seem to figure out how I got so lucky for you to make it for ME and send it -- but I am not one to over-analyze. Simply stated, I LOVE IT. and YOU. Thank you Connie, my dear true friend. xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Great post! All I kept thinking of was THIS BOOK.

PS: I think we should do a fall meet-up w/ all the blogging ladies. I am suggesting Atlantic City (YES I AM SELFISH) What do you think???

Connie said...

Dishy, The sight of a man vacuuming always makes me happy!
You guys might not like me as well in person HAHAHAHA!!!! Atlantic City - sounds fun!

Anonymous said...

Recently one of the urbandictionary.com words of the day was choreplay, and although I can't remember the exact definition, it had something to do with males helping out with those mundane but necessary little tasks such as laundry, dishes, and food preparation in the hope of getting lucky.

About that intimacy thing, I've learned that sometimes people can share an emotional intimacy that might go on for years, and yet they have little or not physical contact. They just somehow "commune" with each other. Then again, I've known couples who might share a great physical relationship and powerful attraction for each other, but that's it. Period.