- SUVS...you either love em or hate em - Mr. SUV driver is it really necessary for you to join me in the median thus removing any possibility of a clear view? Or must you pull as far as possible beside me effectively blocking my view of oncoming traffic...you are going in the other direction and must wait anyway...is it necessary to delay me as well? Plus, unless your career consists of delivering stuff all day or you have many, many children why do you need such a gas guzzler anyway? I bet you don't car pool either. In addition, I may be small (car) but I am sleek and fast...I won't move out of your way no matter how much you tail gate me that is what the passing lane is for!!!
- Telemarketers...I know you are trying to make a living but NO means NO! I particularly love it when you call our place of business and attempt to ask a gazillion questions...I am WORKING...after repeated phone calls and your continued disregard for the word NO...I WILL... put you on hold forever...hang up on you...consider blowing an air horn in your ear...You also seem to know the EXACT moment I walk in the door at home or the EXACT moment I wish to eat dinner...thank goodness for caller id! P.S. the out of area, unknown caller thing...I don't answer those at all...that is what answering machines are for...LEAVE ME ALONE!!! If I want something, I will call you...DITTO for POLITICAL volunteers...I know you believe in your cause, however it is none of your business what my party affiliation is (if I have one) or which candidate will receive my vote. I will always tell you the opposite of what you wish to hear.
- PLEASE, for all that is holy and good in my life, NO MORE NEGATIVE e-mails about the economy or any political candidate...I don't read them...it can in no way help my world view. No more forwards that will tell me I am going to die or something bad will happen if I don't participate. If a message is uplifting and worthwhile, I will forward it...I do not forward everything that comes my way.
- To the prostitutes hanging out at the gas station/liquor store, PLEASE leave our husbands, sons, nephews, employees alone...they are going about their business...maybe you should do your business on your own corner...p.s. I don't roll that way either so please quit flagging me down or trying to get in my car!
- Dear Fast Food Employee (mostly McDonald's) how does DIET COKE sound like ICED TEA??? Are you rebelling against your job? Is it really that hard to get the order correct? And while you are at it, could you possible not overfill the cup and if you do, could you possibly wipe it off before handing it to me? Are the napkins the equivalent of the holy grail to you? I would like to have at least one...more like a couple. I know I have not grown two heads when I ask for extra napkins...I am not insane just because I want a napkin and all I have ordered is something to drink...is there some unwritten fast food law that says I have to order food to receive a napkin? Just sayin...
- Dear Fashion Designers, clothing store buyers...WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?????? I just want some basic items of clothing and I am not a six foot tall size 0 - 2 model...where have all the classics gone...anyone out there know? I just want "normal" clothes with minimal embellishments...Please???
- CELL PHONES...see earlier post on cell phone rant for specifics...just for today...please, please do not stand in front of my desk and talk on your cell phone...please...put the phone down when attempting to park your SUV!!! or any other car for that matter...unless your vehicle is on fire or you are piled into another vehicle (because YOU WERE ON YOUR CELL PHONE) please what is so important it cannot wait until you are parked?
There, there I feel so much better...
Will the elves that are raiding my closet at night and making alterations on my clothes, please stop...everything is either too big, too small, the wrong color...or just plain itchy, uncomfortable or doesn't feel like pajamas!
Also, the perfect handbag is out there, I just know it...it is being elusive...ahhh...one could wax on and on about the desired perfect handbag to hold all the stuff we must carry from one location to another...If you have found the perfect one please, please tell me where and what kind or better yet...just send it to me!!! I am irritated with the miserable little buggers in my closet masquerading as "good" handbags.
There, I really feel better now...thank you for your love and support...and remember to vote!
P.S. Thank you Kristi for the use of "the epitome of sweetness and light" It suits you really well and I am still working on it!