Talk To Me

Somewhere above the eyes between the wrinkles in my forehead reads a sign that apparently says "Talk To Me". Seemingly random strangers begin conversations with me and impart information that would be best left to their therapists. I am not a therapist nor do I play one in the theatre or on television. I must have the "look" that says you can tell me your deepest, darkest secrets, I do not mind and I have all day! Generally this occurs at gas stations, restaurants and grocery stores. Grocery Store lines are the preeminent place to collect nuts. Being a genteel Southern Belle it is very difficult to extract oneself from these tricky situations. I am offering this bit of advice, DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. Go about your business, do not look left or right, absolutely under no circumstances are you to look behind you. This is a sure signal that you are interested and will stay until the clerk starts clearing her throat or you look to the clerk for rescue. A sure way to start a conversation in the grocery store line is to purchase "unusual" vegetables even the check out folks do not recognize such as daikon, leeks, rutabagas and parsnips. I love to talk to people, really I do, however in the grocery store before dinner and after work is not my favorite time to be cordial. I want to get in and out as quickly as possible. Due to the exorbitant cost of gasoline...gas station conversations are almost impossible to avoid. It is a quick segue from "wow, these gas prices are killer" to "yep, I've had to give up my mani and pedi" or "looks like I'm having beans and rice for supper again." Here again, the key is to not make eye contact unless you have all the time in the world. I frequently talk about strangers being friends we haven't met yet and while this is true...every stranger is not your friend nor would you want them to be. I am sure a serial killer somewhere is waiting for me to make eye contact. Due to the eclectic nature of my reading habits I have encountered some very unusual people in the bookstores. My advice here would be to quickly shift your eyes from right to left and look over your shoulder alot, this discourages quite a few interested parties from extensive conversation. Of course, there is the option of talking to oneself....and answering. Works every time.

DISCLAIMER: The author of this post claims no responsibility for advice given at this location. She is also very talkative herself so much of this advice can totally be disregarded.

How about you? Are you a magnet for conversation wanted or otherwise?

Warning! Food Issues & Such

I am a foodie! Surprise! I love to watch cooking shows and travel shows wherein they seek out really bizarre food. I like to cook when I have time to experiment. I LOVE stores like Williams-Sonoma, although that one is a little to much of a box store for me. Point me in the gadget direction and I am a happy camper, er, cooker? I like almost any kind of food, however I do have my limits. I have issues with texture. I cannot eat oatmeal unless it is in the form of a cookie, it absolutely will not go down and stay down! Jello makes me cringe, I don't like my food moving around or squishing between my teeth. Who thinks grapes and jello is a good idea? I can only eat certain types of yogurt. Pudding is in the questionable category. Fuzzy fruit makes me crazy, like my mouth itches or something. I like bananas but do not like anything that is banana flavored such as juice, smoothies and that sort of thing. I have issues from childhood with cooked spinach and Brussels sprouts. Still can't eat them! I want to like Tofu, really I do, I just haven't found the right recipe. Recently I tried to eat a "Thai spring roll" , while the taste was not bad, the texture put me over the edge. The wrapping was not the typical spring roll that I am accustomed to eating. The rubbery texture inside and out was just more than I could bear. I have decided many "Asian" recipes call for hot as heck sauces so that you don't notice the actual ingredients! I absolutely love Sushi and Seaweed Salad, my favorite being eel rolls, go figure. My daughter hosted a Pampered Chef Party at my home and I, of course, was in gadget heaven. Many guests later and a lighter wallet, I settled down to watch a little "food" television to wind down from the party before going to bed. Why would someone relaxing want to watch bizarre food shows? I have this whole I am repulsed but I can't look away issue! I am amazed at some of the food people will eat. I, for one, am not eating organs. You can keep monkey brains and sheep's eyes. No can do. What's up with eating pig's feet or chicken feet? I could very easily be a vegetarian! Liver is another traumatic food stemming from my childhood. Why did my mother think THAT was good for you? It seems to grow with every chew and is impossible to get down your gullet. I think organ meats or "sweet meats" and feet of any kind are best left to Voodoo rituals!!! Whatever will I do when I become a world famous traveller and am offered the delicacy of that country being sheep's eyeballs or whatever? You would not want to insult the host/hostess!

The utensils, plating and cookware is a whole issue for me as well. I like certain types of glasses and abhor others. I worked with a lady who absolutely refused to eat off anything but white plates. She was from the low country and had many "superstitious" beliefs. She had a very difficult time eating anything that she had not prepared. I can sympathize with her! Am I the only one with food issues? So, what are you having for dinner? Care to join me for some pickled pig's feet and hog jowls? Yeah, me neither.

Flashback Friday - Gardening 101

I love Spring! My minds runs rampant with projects both indoors and outside. I love a beautiful yard and garden. Unfortunately, I did not inherit my mother's green thumb. I would love to pretend that the above pictures were indeed my lovely garden. NOT! They are in fact taken at the Riverbanks Botanical Gardens. This is what my patch of land would look like if I had unlimited time, funds and a really handy GARDENER or two! Some of my friends have stunning gardens. I have good intentions, really I do but I tend to under water, over water, or just plant the wrong things. Or when the thermostat reads 100+ , the only way I'm going outside is to sit by a pool or lake. That said, when the girls were small I wanted to encourage them to grow stuff. We started with small things, however, my father-in-law was appalled that we had so much land and "nothing" planted. Over the years, he took over the entire backyard of his suburban home. You could barely get out the back door without stepping on peppers, cucumbers, you name it. Imagine our surprise when we came home one day to find the back yard plowed up and planted in green beans! Amazingly, the things grew and grew and grew and grew....I think my father-in-law came by periodically to check on the progress and add his magic growing dust to these green beans. We ate green beans almost every night in every way imaginable. I CANNED green beans, gave them away, pickled them, froze them and finally when the weather hit the 100's and the gigantic locusts started visiting I turned the green beans over to said locusts or giant grasshoppers,whatever they were, they thumped hard when they landed!

The girls enjoyed watching the beans grow, picking them and eating the fruits of their labor. Baby girl in the background was not fond of being dirty but to give her credit she did do her part! My father in law was killed by a drunk driver and taken out of our lives a lot sooner than expected. I have never had as much success growing anything since the year of the bumper crop of beans. As the weather improves, my thoughts have once again turned towards spring planting and what I should add this year. I do have some beautiful flowers and a lovely lawn! I have plans for some herbs and a few easy, peasy vegetables...maybe my friend Phyllis can sprinkle her magic growing dust! How does your garden grow?

Good Grief, what color was my hair?!!! Green Bean Summer circa 1987. Life doesn't get too much better than this!!!
For my daughters in honor of farming and gardening, yes it is the blue jean jumper and flowered shirt! I will probably wear the shirt whilst weeding the flower beds this weekend. The jumper has sadly gone where the "what not to wear" clothes go when they are mocked.

Have a happy weekend, if you're bored, I have plenty of weeds to go around!