WARNING: DISCLAIMER: We will resume normal sunny thoughts shortly!!!
During the last few days, weeks and months I have been presented with a few annoyances. I did promise to write lovely letters, notes and cards. I have done and will continue to do so. Here are a few notes that will not be sent but do allow me to release a bit of steam to my captive audience...let the ranting begin...
Dear Dish Network,
It has come to my attention that you have discontinued a few channels I enjoy watching. How can I possibly know how to defend myself during a zombie attack if I cannot watch "The Walking Dead" This may be critical to my survival. I will have to visit somebody with that channel and I am kinda sure they don't want me showing up in my pjs and robe. Please for the survival of my family, restore the critical channels...thank you and bye.
Dear Lady in the Big Ole SUV,
Those giant white lines mean PEDESTRIAN CROSSING...Throwing up your arms and glaring at me doesn't make you right. I was in the GIANT CROSSING first, get over it already! My family would be mightily upset if you hurt me or we got into a brawl in the middle of the GIANT PEDESTRIAN CROSSWALK! Thank you, have a nice day...Watch Out for Pedestrians.
Dear Man in the Big Ole Truck,
I have a middle finger too...I try not to use it because it is rude. I may be in a small car but I bet mine is faster than yours...
you can't bully me out of the way...I know I am not driving slow because I have a tendency towards speeding myself. Oh yeah and merging traffic means move the heck over someone wants in to share the highway with you. Sorry about your penis.
Dear I Am Always a Victim,
Get over yourself already and get a new story. Everyone that has ever lived and will ever live will have problems some of them downright tragic. If you are creating your own personal drama...I don't do drama. AND I have had my share of problems, tragedy and just plain life...I put a smile on and move FORWARD!
Dear You Only Call When You Need Something,
I am pretty sure if the only time you call is when you need something I am going to be an unwilling participant. My phone number and address are in fact the same...you can call and say "How are you" or "Is there anything I can do for you" or how about "I was thinking of you today" I mention this just in case no one ever taught you the give and take of friendship, family etc., etc. Oh yeah, see above when you are ranting about no offers of help! Thank you I cannot help you right now because I am watching paint dry.
Dear Job Applicant,
I am fairly certain you are unemployed because you are rude, arrogant and belligerent. You are not entitled to a job just because you have a) tons of education b) loads of experience c) all the credentials that ever were. Use your manners when talking to the person who will decide whether you even get your foot in the door. You may wish to consider a bureaucratic job where such characteristics may be valued. Don't call us we will call you (NOT).
Dear Cell Phone User,
REALLY??? Please for all that is holy, put your phone down when backing out of a parking space. I really do not want to hear your very personal drama or business while I am shopping or dining. I really do not want to hear it when I am using the toilet in a public office building etc. that is just gross!
Dear Salesman/especially AFLAC,
Please do not stop by on a cold call...I will not be available for five minutes (your 5 and my 5 are completely different) Three different salespeople in the same week will not make me change my mind it will make me more determined to shut the door permanently! Get your AFLAC ducks in a row. Thank you, bye, I will call you if I need anything. P.S. Don't hold your breath.
Dear Survey takers/telemarketers
The Answer is still NO! I appreciate that you are working however if I say I am not interested you will not talk me into changing my mind. This also applies to all the people calling about the copy machine...don't lie to me...go bother someone else.
Dear Facebook
I have a love/hate relationship with you. Sometimes you are a big train wreck...I am repulsed but cannot look away. Face book users the political ranting and raving is not likely to change any one's opinion or reflect their decision at the polls. Vote wisely and keep it to yourself!
Dear Judgmental Person,
You may be at church every time the doors open however I am fairly certain that the Lord would not appreciate your preachy, judgmental, petty attitude (oops, that was me being judgmental nay truthful?) Your opinion is/was not asked for nor valued. Every single person is on a different path...your path may not be their path...their progress on that path will not be the same as your progress on the same and/or different path. Stop it already! AND I can say crap if I want to... your attitude reminds me of the tattle tellers in grade school....I'M TELLING ON YOU...jeez, grow up already. When and if you get to Heaven...you may be surprised...
Whew, I feel much better...Back to our regularly scheduled programming of turning sour lemons into sweet lemonade!
8 comments:
I love this!!!!! How incredibly refreshing!!!
#1 I totally hate it when a big conglomerate just arbitrarily decides to cancel a channel. I lost Hallmark that way. Totally ruined my day! I know, I know... but I loved that channel.
#2& 3 Rude drivers/road rage. Where are people's manners? Good will? They would never act that way to a stranger if they weren't surrounded by a ton of steel.
#4 & 5 That's what caller id is for!!!I
If I address every point, my comment will be longer than your blog! Suffice it to say it made me laugh out loud and squirt coffee out of my nose!!!!
I am leaving this open all day just so I can re-read and laugh some more!
This is the most awesome post of all freakin' time!!!!!
Sounds like we know a lot of the same people! As Moseriah said, I could address every point, but my post would would go on and on. Just gotta say, however, that the victim one really "spoke" to me, and anyone out in blogland, on facebook, or in real life who ever hears me complaining or looking for pity has the right to say, "Ah poor baby, you're such a victim, aren't you?"
You are the first to see through to the bright side! If you want to rant a little bit YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD and let them thank you for the insight into human being-ness! (Then teach me how to use my smart phone...privately so people don't talk (or rant) about how some people just do not have the stuff for the 21st century)...you know, you are one of my favorite hero's! L
Good for you Connie, you made me laugh with this one. I just may have myself a rant soon too. take care dear lady.
You make me laugh.
You make me say, "Amen, sister."
You make me smile.
Take care, friend. Happy weekend.
I never saw this post...I'm not sure how that happened but I'm glad it did. You see, as I sit here and watch the votes being counted and the endless ramblings of journalists THIS was a breath of fresh air. Thanks!
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