My First BFF

Dear James,

I was just thinking this morning about how you were my first BFF (best friend forever)  I really, really miss your quirky sense of humor...that is something we all had in spades!  A little piece of me feels missing...you, at least get to be surrounded by those I loved best! 

As your older sister I felt responsible for you.  In many photos together I can be seen with my arm slung around you.  One memory that has come to my mind today was a kool aid episode!  We were standing in front of the fridge fighting over the kool aid pitcher and we both dropped it...I was trying to be the big sister...you were trying to assert some independence...it was probably my fault.  You know how ballistic Mom can be...fortunately she decided to wait for Dad to come home for punishment...although Dad's disappointment was often more horrible than Mom's outrageous screaming and smacks with the wooden spoon.  Dad talked to us very solemnly and asked who was responsible...neither one of us would "fess up"  After one of his very long I am disappointed talks...he put us both on restriction.  I felt so bad after all I was the taller, bigger and older sister.  I went to our Dad and spilled my guts!  That was the end of the punishment for both us although I do think I had to listen to one more I am disappointed in your behavior speech.  I always thought, geez, could you just spank me already?  I did my best to look after you...there are some things even a dedicated big sister couldn't fix. 

You were such an inspiration.  How many people can boast of your cross country accomplishments?  You never did boast though.  Actually, you still are an inspiration...we never did get to do that hiking together...Carl and I hike parts of the AT...we feel your spirit residing there and it is comforting.  After all, on the trail and in the woods was where you came alive and were happiest! 

Mom and I were talking on our way to visit Steve...he is still a pain in the rear baby brother (insert smile) and she simply stated...Gosh I miss that boy so much!  You took such great care with her...she didn't get on your nerves much or make you tired.  She makes me tired. 

It is that time of year when I wax nostalgic and get weepy...it seems we never have enough time!  We do not know how much time we have on this Earth...memories should be created at every turn...after all it is what we are left with when all else is gone. 

I love you always and miss your presence in this world...til we meet again...the big sister

James aka as "PapaSquat" September 30, 1961 - November 17, 2003.  Somewhere on the northern part of the Appalachian Trail. 

P.S.  I STILL have not been to Mt. Ranier!