My First BFF

Dear James,

I was just thinking this morning about how you were my first BFF (best friend forever)  I really, really miss your quirky sense of humor...that is something we all had in spades!  A little piece of me feels missing...you, at least get to be surrounded by those I loved best! 

As your older sister I felt responsible for you.  In many photos together I can be seen with my arm slung around you.  One memory that has come to my mind today was a kool aid episode!  We were standing in front of the fridge fighting over the kool aid pitcher and we both dropped it...I was trying to be the big sister...you were trying to assert some independence...it was probably my fault.  You know how ballistic Mom can be...fortunately she decided to wait for Dad to come home for punishment...although Dad's disappointment was often more horrible than Mom's outrageous screaming and smacks with the wooden spoon.  Dad talked to us very solemnly and asked who was responsible...neither one of us would "fess up"  After one of his very long I am disappointed talks...he put us both on restriction.  I felt so bad after all I was the taller, bigger and older sister.  I went to our Dad and spilled my guts!  That was the end of the punishment for both us although I do think I had to listen to one more I am disappointed in your behavior speech.  I always thought, geez, could you just spank me already?  I did my best to look after you...there are some things even a dedicated big sister couldn't fix. 

You were such an inspiration.  How many people can boast of your cross country accomplishments?  You never did boast though.  Actually, you still are an inspiration...we never did get to do that hiking together...Carl and I hike parts of the AT...we feel your spirit residing there and it is comforting.  After all, on the trail and in the woods was where you came alive and were happiest! 

Mom and I were talking on our way to visit Steve...he is still a pain in the rear baby brother (insert smile) and she simply stated...Gosh I miss that boy so much!  You took such great care with her...she didn't get on your nerves much or make you tired.  She makes me tired. 

It is that time of year when I wax nostalgic and get weepy...it seems we never have enough time!  We do not know how much time we have on this Earth...memories should be created at every turn...after all it is what we are left with when all else is gone. 

I love you always and miss your presence in this world...til we meet again...the big sister

James aka as "PapaSquat" September 30, 1961 - November 17, 2003.  Somewhere on the northern part of the Appalachian Trail. 

P.S.  I STILL have not been to Mt. Ranier! 

Almost Wordless on Wednesday

How many people actually enjoy having their picture taken?  Apart from the odd one or two and those who make their living in front of cameras!  This would be one of the reasons I stay behind the camera!  That said, I absolutely LOVE this image photographed by my five (5) year old granddaughter.  I think the camera was set on Aperture mode...I think my granddarling captured something special...my relaxed and playful side.

"Smiling is my favorite"  Buddy, the Elf.  I use my smile often and most folks respond well to a smile.
Even if I feel like crying on the inside...I just fake it til I make it.  Usually I can talk myself out of a frowny mood.  I just smiled at you...Pass It On!!!

Further Proof that Men Just Think Differently!

 So you meet the right guy and all you want to do is breathe the same air...fifteen years later and some days you just want to smack him with a pillow!

Men just think differently, I think it has to do with that Y chromosome.  In my personal situation, my husband is not a multi-tasker...all attention is focused on what is right in front of him at that time.  He also suffers from selective hearing! 

Him:  Is this all the trash that needs to go out?

Me:  There are three bags in the garage by my car.

Him:  Three bags of trash by your car?

Me:  Yes, dear.

Him:  I am riding to xyz...

Me:  Okay

An hour later...

Him:  I threw out the two bags of trash in the garage and I dropped the third bag at Goodwill! (With a huge smile, because he had done something "extra")

Me:  Um, there were three bags of TRASH in the garage.

Him:  No, the other one was full of clothes, I opened it and thought someone could use those things!

Me:  It was trash!!!

Him:  No, it wasn't...there were shirts and stuff in there.

Me:  Actually, it was a bag of stained, torn shirts and old socks and underwear and probably some household trash as well!  I am sure Goodwill appreciates those.  I told you it was trash...why must you second guess me?

Him:  I saw the shirts...I thought I would be helpful.  Was I wrong to want to be helpful?

Me:  Big SIGH!!! 

another example:

Him:  Would you like for me to carry that box inside for you?

Me:  That would be great!  Thank you!

Him:  Sits on the garage steps and continues to watch me.

Me:  Are you taking that box inside or do I need to?

Him:  I didn't know you were ready for me to take it inside...

Me:  Big SIGH

so he gets the box inside and puts it on the counter...perfect for him he can look right into the box...for me, not so much I am a foot or so shorter...I would need a stool to see in the box and get things out of it!  He just grins sheepishly telling me that a woman architect/designer told him men hang things up too high...Yep, different perspective.

My dear husband and his cell phone are never far from each other.  It is his office away from the office.  It his connection to his band.  We all love our cell phones, connectivity and contact information.  On our recent visit to Las Vegas, the phone was in his constant possession much to my chagrin...UNTIL we left the hotel.  We have checked our luggage, we have gone through security...we are finally relaxing for a few minutes before we board the plane.

Him:  Do you have my cell phone?

Me:  I didn't know I was in charge of your cell phone!

Him:  Well, will you call the hotel and see if they found it?

Me:  ????  I didn't leave it there!

Him:  Well I can't call I don't have my cell phone (with pouty expression)

Me:  *(&^% 

There were a few more airport scenarios I won't even go into...suffice to say...my dearly beloved is not going with me when I go to Italy! 

He is the dearest man whom I love, love, love...he just thinks differently and he means well, truly he does...now where is that pillow?

                                                   Caesar's Palace with the Newlyweds! 

Happy New Year in September!

I like the idea of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year.  It has been a season of introspection for me.  Determining what works in my life and what no longer serves and can be discarded.  I have been so exhausted and I have decided my tiredness stems from all the thoughts running through my brain!  I do not want to oversimplify or make light of a sacred holiday...there are numerous sites to go to for more information.  Rosh Hashanah begins on sundown of September 28th and ends on September 30th.  Certain foods are prepared and eaten such as apples dipped in honey...for a sweet new year.  Many Jews go to a body of flowing water and recite prayers to release sins or as it says on one of the websites: "We leave our old shortcomings behind us, thus starting the new year with a clean slate" I like the idea of releasing sins, bad thoughts and so forth near a body of flowing water.  For me, flowing water symbolizes purity and cleansing.
If you are the coast some time near the end of September you may very well see me there!

It is said when the student is ready the teacher will appear.  Teaching moments (and learning ones) can come from so many sources.  What other reason would the celebration of Rosh Hashanah be in the forefront of my mind...if not to teach me.

Leshanah tovah tikateiv veteichateim, "May you be inscribed and sealed for a good year."

May you always be open to the learning moments that cross your path even from the most unlikely sources!

You are Wrapped a Little Too Tightly!

So, someone once told me I was wrapped up too tightly.  Well yes I am, thank you.  Sometimes you wrap yourself into a tight coil to protect the tender, sore, secret spots.  A rattlesnake coils itself and rattles to warn trespassers.  Someone always feels the need to poke a stick in the sore, tender spots heedless of the warning rattle.  Why then, would they be shocked when bitten?  It is no secret that some people are every bit as toxic as the venom from a rattlesnake bite.  My cure for toxic people...avoid them when possible, if not possible be very nice to yourself! 

Sometimes it is very difficult to shake off the funk...this helps...

a friend came by the office for a surprise lunch date...I have a 90 minute (don't be a hater) massage scheduled...my favorite dance/meditation class at 6...plus after we express pure joy through movement we have dinner together and experience laughter, tears and more joy!  I would say things are looking up and I can unwind that tight coil.

day trippin

'The time has come,' the walrus said, 'to talk of many things: of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings.'

Lewis Carroll

Anyone familiar with the book "The Phantom Tollbooth" will recall being stuck in the DOLDRUMS!  You get sucked in and it is by great force of will that you escape!  Yours truly has been experiencing a touch of ennui.  Thank goodness it is Summer whereby everything slows down a teensy bit. 
 
In an effort to break our routine and explore a new idea or visit a new place my husband and I embark on various day trips.  We put the top down on the convertible and we pursue avenues not normally taken.  We rarely use the fastest route preferring to travel the back roads.  Our discoveries are endless!  The latest adventure took us through rows and rows of cornfields, soy beans and cotton.  The sky was a gorgeous azure with cotton candy puffy clouds.  We explored Manning, Kingstree, and Georgetown then ate a late lunch on Pawley's Island.  Dear husband feasted on shrimp and grits.  I enjoyed lobster and crab.  We could smell the marshes and dreamed of living in one of the stately homes.  
 
We were sunkissed (i.e. I was sunburnt) windblown and tired by the time we arrived home.  It was a great little adventure!  Which is more important the journey or the destination?  I guess that depends on whether you have a specific destination or not.  It was all about the journey for us...we spent time talking and laughing...not being distracted by telephones, computers or television.  
 
p.s.  The "ship" is one of the unusual sights seen on the highways and bi-ways of South Carolina.  Have you seen it?  Do you know where it is,  what it is and why it is there?
 

Everyday miracles and magic

If I take the Wings of the Morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;  even there shall Thy hand lead me, and Thy right hand shall hold me.  Psalm 139:9-10

We are never truly alone.  This sculpture comforts me in a way I cannot describe.  The longing for serenity, peace and calm, for me, is always to be found in nature and art.  When the two come together...magic happens!

I heard this yesterday...take a deep breath...that is a gift..that is a blessing.  As I thought about these words,
a quote from Albert Einstein lodged in my mind:  " There are only two ways to live your life, one is though nothing is a miracle, the other is though everything is a miracle."    I am choosing to focus on every day magic and miracles rather than just muddling through life.

a few simple magical moments...

watching my husband make repairs on the screened porch
while the dog tilts his head and follows him around, sniffing the paint.

a hug around the knees resulting in an almost tackle from granddarlings that are excited to see you.

friends that "get you"

angel food cake, sliced strawberries, blueberries and cool whip that a dear man prepares for you.

lots of hugs and kisses!

swinging to the call of birds, the humming and buzzing of insects, the tink, tink, tink of the chains on the swing.

what calls to you right now, what simple joys make you happy?